


You go, I go. End of story.

by scrappymitchell



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Canon Continuation, Ellie goes to get her family back, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Post-Game(s), The DLC we deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24927772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrappymitchell/pseuds/scrappymitchell
Summary: [spoilers for the last of us part II so if you haven't finished/don't want spoilers, you've been warned]Picking up from where the game left us, Ellie returns back to the farm with the devestation of seeing Dina and JJ were gone. Knowing the terrible mistake she had made by leaving, Ellie makes her way back to Jackson where she knows Dina will be with her new objection in life being plain and simple: to get her family back.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 307





	1. The Path to Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note: Because Jesse didn't have a last name, I have given his parents the surname of the actor that portrayed him.

Ellie’s heart had been broken so many times, and all usually by deaths. _Mom. Riley...Joel_ . But this one she was feeling right now, it was entirely new. Because the person she loved wasn’t gone from death, she was gone from leaving...and Ellie couldn’t even hold it against her. She knew how she made Dina feel the night she left, the words that she said to her now rung in her ear. _“I’m not gonna do this again”_

That was the moment Ellie should have stopped, she should have dropped her back, wrapped her arms around Dina and simply say “Okay” she should have let Dina take her hand and lead her back to their bedroom, back to their bedroom where JJ was. JJ who was trying to call Ellie _momma_ just as much as he was trying to call it Dina...and Dina was right Ellie did have a family with her, but she left anyway. 

So when Ellie returned here, to the farm to their _home_ . The naive part of her was thinking and hoping that Dina would be standing on the porch waiting for her, that she would cry as she ran down the steps and raced over to her, wrapping her arms around Ellie’s body which was the moment Ellie planned on promising her that she would never do anything like this again. That she would tell her that she knew what she had been venturing for was wrong, that killing Abby would not bring Joel back. Just having that power over Abby where she _could_ have killed her was enough. It was enough for her to let go. 

A part of her hated herself to the fact that it took her having to go on this one last vendetta of vengeance to realise that her life was with Dina and JJ and she couldn’t risk that, she and Dina weren’t married but if she had died she practically would have made a widow out of her, that’s literally what she would have been doing, they were co-parents and if Ellie had died she would have left Dina to raise JJ alone, how could she have left? And now this was the result of her choice, Dina was gone. 

Ellie grabbed her bag and walked out of her art room, thinking once again of the portrait of Dina that once stood on her canvas, the laughter echoed in her mind when Dina teasingly sat in front of the canvas whilst Ellie was painting as if Ellie was doing some kind of live sketch. She let out a breath and turned back into their bedroom with all the sheets packed away and stripped. She was almost certain that Dina had gotten help moving things, the _entire_ house was cleared out.

A sudden thought then came to her mind, casting it back to what she wrote in her diary a few months ago. Jesse’s parents came up here to ask them to come home to Jackson...that’s where Dina had gone, Ellie just knew it deep down inside. Dina wouldn’t go anyway far away from Jesse’s parents out of respect, but also she wouldn’t risk JJ’s safety in trying to find somewhere new. Jackson. It had to be where she was, it had always been the place where they could call home and the safest place to go to when leaving the farm. Ellie wasn’t going to stay here, why would she? _How_ could she? With the only company to be the unwelcomed silence that already felt suffocating. She didn’t do what she did so she could end up alone, she did it so she could find closure and move on with the people she loved, she had done the first half...now she needed to get back the second. 

Dina really had stripped the place, this wasn’t some kind of _‘I’m getting some space’_ kind of thing, she wanted Ellie to know that she was serious. And hopefully, Ellie making her way to Jackson would show Dina that _she_ was serious when saying she was sorry and that from now on things would be different. She was sure Dina was in Jackson but if she wasn’t... _god_ , she has no idea what she would do. 

Jackson was around two hours away by horse, but walking? That was going to take probably a whole day. She started to make her way away from the farm, looking out to the woods in front of her. Ellie exhaled heavily before a soft whisper rested on her lips. “Please be there”

It wasn’t like she had never been back to Jackson since they came up to the farm, she and Dina used to travel down there twice to take JJ to see Jesse’s parents, they went for Thanksgiving and then visited in the New Year some months ago. Usually the travelling didn’t feel so long because it was filled with conservation and laughter. God, how they always laughed together. 

This time round it felt like it lasted a lifetime, of course her mind was filled with the conversations that she and Dina had had on their travelling, but it wasn’t exactly the same. Still, the picturing of Dina’s face during the ride softened the blow, and the running over on what she would say if Dina was in fact in Jackson. All the thoughts that piled up through her mind somehow made her snap out of how long the journey was and apart from the odd time where she stopped off by a river stream to keep herself hydrated and to get some sleep before she passed out, she was back to Jackson. 

***

Ellie slowly approached the closed gate and came to an abrupt stop when a gun was pointed at her from the watchtower up above “Stop! State your cause for being here”

“It’s Ellie!” she kept her hands up “Ellie Williams!”

The guard lowered his gun and got a good look before he breathed and called back down “Holy shit, Ellie? Man, we thought you were dead!” he then calls down “Open up! It’s Ellie!” 

Ellie swallowed thickly as the doors opened. They thought she was dead, so surely that meant word got to them that she went out after Abby. _Surely_ that means Dina came here, else how would they know? As far as Tommy knew, Ellie wasn’t going to go after Abby, he damned her enough for it when he was leaving. Ellie stepped in through the gates, her eyes met one of the fellow Jackson residents “Tatum” 

The thirty year old nodding his head like a grunt, something he always did. Usually it meant he liked you, he just didn’t express it on his face that much “Ellie. Lotta people will be glad to see you” 

Ellie stepped further in as the gates shut beside her “Is Dina here? Please tell me she showed up here”

Tatum looked at her for a few moments and then shrugged casually, speaking in the same rough monotone voice “Yeah she’s here. Figured you sent her to come here should anything happen to you on your trail to California” 

And just like that, a huge burst of relief slipped out of her in a heavy sigh, she dropped her head down for a moment. Dina was here, she was here and she and the baby were safe. It didn’t really hit her until now that she could've been dead, it wasn’t so crazy to think things like that in this world. Ellie presses her lips together with her eyes shut for a moment, she releases yet another breath and nods to herself, as some silent way to say _it’s okay_. Ellie lifted her head back up and gave a nod to Tatum, she mumbled a thank you and proceeded two make her way through the town. 

Ellie’s place was still empty, no one had moved into it. Maybe because it was still filled with a bunch of Ellie’s stuff that no one thought it was up for grabs, and right now she was glad that it wasn’t. She heard from Tommy that one of the couples in the city moved into Joel’s house once they got pregnant, now all of Joel’s stuff sits in Tommy’s basement. It had to happen eventually, she guessed.

Before going to find Dina, Ellie returned to her so-called apartment. The place was filled with dust but she wasn’t exactly here to do some spring cleaning. She had been travelling for hours, the best thing she could do right now before finding Dina was getting changed and looking less...well, like how she looked. 

She washed herself down with the bar of soap that was still in the bathroom, she ran her fingers through her hair to make it less rugged and changed into a fresh shirt from her bag. She still looked like shit, but it couldn’t be helped considering what she had been through the past month. Ellie grabbed the jacket that she left for California in, the jacket that used to belong to Joel, and walked back out the apartment. The first place she thought she would be was Jesse’s parents, it made the most sense. Dina always said how they were like a second chance of having parents, so she went there.

Their house wasn’t far from the diner, but right now she really hoped that she didn’t run into Tommy or Maria, not yet, she just wanted to get to Dina. She knew an apology wasn’t going to save all of this, she knew she was going to have to work for it; she wanted to start that work as much as she possibly could. The closer she grew to the house, the more she wondered what in the actual hell was she going to say? A big part of her felt like she would drop to the floor and just cry when seeing Dina’s face. Ellie stared up at the house for a moment. _Deep breath, Ellie. Just another deep breath. Now step forward, use your fucking feet._

Ellie cleared her throat and pushed on through, she walked up the steps onto the porch. Her knuckle hovered over the polished oak door. _Another deep breath. Now knock._ She hit her top knuckle against the door on three knocks. Her ears felt like they pricked like a dog when she heard the cooing sounds of a baby from the inside. JJ. Just the sound of him made her heart race so much she felt like it was going to bust out of her chest. Her hands began to shake so much that the only way to contain them was to clutch them together.

Her fingers entwined with each other in a tight lock, she looked down to the floor and blew out more heavy breaths until finally the door opened. Ellie’s head snapped up “Mrs Chang” she breathed once more “Hi” 

“Ellie” the older woman spoke her name as clear shock to see her. “I thought you were-”

“Dead?” Ellie finished, she shook her head “No. I’m alive...I don’t know what Dina said-”

“She has been completely broken” Mrs Chang quickly added, with some kind of resentment in the back of her voice “Dina travelled down here with JJ the day after you left...I had never seen her like that, she was terrified being at that farm alone. And as more days passed and you didn’t show up, she was almost sure you were dead. It’s been a _month_ ” 

Ellie bowed her head, in shame. She cleared her throat once more when nodding and lifting her head “Thank you for bringing her back here” 

“She’s my family. And for the life of me I don’t know how you could leave her and that baby”

Ellie sighs “Can I please see Dina? I need to talk to her...I want to explain” 

“Well considering that she thinks you’re dead, I would say it would be good for her to see you” Mrs Chang stepped to the side “She’s out back with JJ” 

Ellie tightened a grateful kind of smile and stepped in through the home. She made her way to the back, noticing how Jesse’s mother did not follow to give her and Dina time alone. Ellie’s hands remained tightly together, the sounds of JJ got louder as she grew closer into the backroom...and there she found Dina standing with her back to Ellie as she was at the end of the yard by the fence with JJ in her arms as she pointed out to the view with him, the sun was soon setting. 

Immediately Ellie felt her eyes filling up, yet another breath escaped her. Ellie walked through the french doors and down the steps. Then finally, Dina looked up at the sound of footsteps...and her face completely drops “ _Ellie?_ ” her voice was breathless, almost like a cry. Ellie shot her a tearful smile “Hey, you...” 

Their eyes remained stuck to each other for a few intense moments more before the attention went to JJ who cried with joy at the sight of Ellie and held his arms up to her. Ellie swallowed thickly and looked to Dina “It’s so good to see you” she tried her best not to break down in sobs, taking in a stiff upper lip when she motioned to the infant “Can I?” 

Dina released a shaken breath, as if suddenly going into auto-pilot to stop herself from breaking down in tears “It’s his bedtime” she began to walk towards Ellie but not exactly to _her_ , but to the house. Ellie took a small step to the hide “Please, Dina” 

The young woman comes to a halt, her eyes far more glazed now that she was standing right in front of Ellie, she keeps her eyes glued to her as she rubs JJ’s back, her tone was still shaken and quiet “I thought you were dead” her bottom lip began to shake “I haven’t stopped being able to think about it...Christ, Ellie this time I really did think it. It’s been a month and I heard nothing-I really thought you were _dead_ ” 

“I know...and when I got back to the farm and saw everything had gone I felt like I might as well be” 

“What did you expect? I told you that I wouldn’t go through this again and you still left, I didn’t want to stay on that damn farm on my own”

“What about JJ? His life is back at that farm”

“Don’t bring my kid into this” 

“I thought he was _our_ kid?”

“He was until you walked out on him”

“Dina-” 

JJ cried out some more for Ellie, Dina glanced down to her son and let out another small sigh, eventually she gave in and held the child out for Ellie to take in her arms which she did within a heartbeat. Ellie brushed her forehead against the side of the child, instantly going into a soft coo “Hey, little potato. I missed you so much” 

Once JJ was in Ellie’s arms, it was only then that Dina noticed Ellie’s hand and how she was now missing two fingers and a rush of panic went through her, just knowing that Ellie had been in that kind of pain “Ellie…”

Ellie glanced to her from smiling at the child, after a split moment of being confused she glanced to her hand herself before sighing and shaking her head “Don’t worry about it” 

Dina put her hands on her waist, looking away for a moment as she just allowed her thoughts to settle in and Ellie had her chance to reunite with JJ. A big part of her was overwhelmingly relieved to see Ellie standing in front of her, she wanted to run into her arms as soon as she saw her, but she was still just so mad that Ellie left in the first place. That Ellie chose her vengeance over her family. Dina rubbed her lips together and almost dreaded to ask, but still did anyway with her eyes closed “Did you do it?” 

There was a small silence until finally Dina looked to her as Ellie almost avoided all eye contact at first. Dina remained quiet for a second more until she pushed furthermore “Ellie. Did you do it? _Finish it-_ or however the way you put it?”

Ellie eventually dragged her eyes back to Dina and after a thick gulp she shrugged “In a way”

“What the hell does that mean? Wha-” her eyes caught back onto JJ and his pure innocence, she then glances back to Ellie “You want to talk?”

“Of course I do” 

“Give me two minutes” Dina nods, she holds her arms out once again “Let me take him inside” 

Ellie complied instantly, all she wanted was for Dina to listen to what she had to say, to get back on track...and so after kissing him on his temple, she handed JJ back over and rested against the deck. Dina held JJ close once again “Stay here, I’ll be right back”

All Ellie could do was nod, her eyes remained glued down to the hands as she waited. Much like the rid here, it felt like she was waiting for an eternity until Dina came back outside. Ellie’s head snapped up to her, her eyes followed Dina as she came back down the stairs “He should be down for the night...he needs his rest for tomorrow so he's less hassle for Robin and Susan” she folded her arms as she now stood in front of Ellie, seeing the confused look on her face. “It’s Maria’s birthday, they’re having a party” 

“Right...I forgot” 

“Course you almost didn’t live to see it” Dina replied sharply, keeping her arms tightly folded. Ellie said nothing at first except then nodding “I guess I deserved that” 

“You didn’t answer my question before...you’ve been gone for a month and as much as I am genuinely happy to see you I still need answers. So what does _in a way_ mean?” 

Ellie pressed her hands against the deck as she straightened her back and sucked in a breath, her eyes latched back to Dina “I went to where Tommy said and I found her...but I didn’t...I couldn’t _do_ it..so I let her go” 

“You let her go? You travelled all the way to California to just let her go?” 

“I think it was a good thing that I went” Ellie quickly admitted “Because it made me see that killing her would not solve anything. It wouldn’t bring back Joel and it wouldn’t stop the pain in losing him...but it’s something I had to see for myself” 

There was another silence, Dina’s breath came out in a hitching scoff as she turned away for a moment “Wow” she grips onto the back of her neck and turns back, her other hand holding out to Ellie with her voice dropping to be more stern “So you uprooted and left me and JJ, risked the chance of getting yourself _killed_ , all for it to result in you letting her go? It was worth losing me and JJ for that”

“Believe me I didn’t plan on it going the way it did...and I didn’t want to leave you _or_ lose you-”

“But you did” Dina cried, her head shook once again “In the middle of the night you left me. You couldn’t even wait until morning to talk about it...you just left and didn’t even stop to think about what I said about me not being able to carry on like this”

“I thought I was doing what was right...for Joel”

“God Ellie! I know how much he meant to you, I do and he mattered to me too but he has been gone for nearly two years... _two years_ ” Dina pressed her lips together and sighed “I thought that in these eighteen months without him, your hatred for _her_ and what she did...would not over power your love for me”

“It doesn’t! Dina, I-”

“You told me you loved me and I asked you to prove it by staying. I said that she is not as important as _us_ ...what exactly am I supposed to think when after I said all that you _still_ walked out the door?” 

Ellie opened her mouth to speak but it was as if all the words got jammed in her throat. She felt like no answer she’d give would be the right one. Because she did love Dina more than she hated Abby, but Dina was also right; how could Ellie vouch for that after she left when Dina stood there and pleaded for her not to? 

Ellie looked back to Dina, with her eyes still watered, she couldn’t make an excuse, because there was no excuse she could give that was good enough “I made a mistake, Dina. I know that and I am so _so_ sorry that it took me leaving to see that, but on my way back I was praying to a God I don’t even really believe in for you to be at the farm. I get that I was selfish to go and even more selfish to half expect you to wait for me...but I mean it, when I got back to the house and saw you gone I wished I had died. Because I love you so fucking much and I hated myself for how much I fucked it up...I’m just-I’m just glad you’re safe”

“Of course I’m safe. Where else would I go? I’d never take JJ away from Jesse’s parents and I would never risk his safety by trying to find somewhere else, Jackson is home just as much as the farm was” she pressed her lips hard together and added in a mutter as she looked down to her shoes “Besides I took it into consideration that if you had lived and saw that I was gone that you’d know where to find me” 

Ellie’s eyes locked back onto Dina, who was still looking at the ground for a few seconds more until finally she looked back up to her, taking in a breath and shaking her head “Don’t look so surprised, Ellie. I’ve been praying myself for you to show up just so I could see that you were alive...I might be angry but I don’t hate you”

“ _Where you go, I go._ Remember?” Ellie echoed the memory of the words Dina once said to her, trying to ease a gentle smile but all the thought brought Dina was sadness, and Ellie could tell which then made her plea softly “Please tell me we can work this out”

Another small silence crept up on them, Dina’s eyes shifted away from her for long seconds when letting her thoughts cloud her actually speaking until finally she sighed out with exhaustion “You-...you can’t just _show_ up after disappearing for a month and expect me to think of a clear answer because-” she looks back to Ellie, with a light shake of her head “I don’t know if I can”

“Can what?” Ellie stands up straight. 

Dina shrugs and puts it simply “I don’t know if I can trust you...how can I live my life with you if I have this constant worry that one day you’re going to turn around to me _again_ and tell me that you want to go after Abby”

“I won’t”

“You said that right after Tommy left and then a few hours later you were gone”

“This will be different”

“How?”

“Because I had her” Ellie said sharply “I fucking had her, Dina. I _could_ have killed her but I _chose_ not to...before then, I didn’t have that choice. A part of me was still so angry that she got to walked away but this time it was on my terms” 

Dina raised her brows “And you won’t regret that?”

“No...I can live without having killed Abby” Ellie pauses for a moment before she steps forward and reaches for Dina’s hand, catching onto her wrist as her voice slips back into a whisper “What I can’t live without...is you” 

Dina’s hands rested on the crook of Ellie’s elbows, she allowed herself to be pulled in. Because that want and need of holding Ellie was still very much present inside of her. The love she had for Ellie wasn’t going to just switch off, aside from JJ, she loved Ellie more than anything in this world. That would not go away over these few days, but the hurt and anger she felt was also still present, which brought so much conflict battling through her body. Her eyes closed when she felt Ellie’s forehead press against hers, the feel of Ellie’s hands grip tighter onto her waist to pull her close. This was all she wished for, all she wished for was Ellie. But so much pain had been pressed onto her these past few days that right now she didn’t know if they could work their way back.

Back at the farm, Ellie said she wasn’t like Dina, almost as if Dina didn’t have problems of her own, but she did. Of _course_ she did and Ellie knew it. Throughout the rest of her pregnancy, Dina really struggled with her PTSD and much like Ellie she struggled to sleep and eat but for the sake of JJ she pushed through. Then when he was born she told herself that she needed to try and keep pushing forward. She still had her nightmares and flashes of trauma, but she buried it. She was buried so she could keep being a good mother and so she could be there to support Ellie, because Ellie was still struggling and even though that killed her, what Ellie did killed her more.

With her eyes still closed, Dina sighed and spoke softly with her forehead still pressed against Ellie’s “I tried every day...I tried to make you feel safe, I was there for you through everything and the one time I really asked you to do something for me you couldn’t do it”

“It wasn’t like that,” Ellie whispered back, more tearfully. She pulled her head back “Dina please look at me”

Dina slowly opened her eyes and reflected them back to Ellie. Ellie pressed her lips together and shook her head once again “I am so sorry...please give me another chance, _please_ ” 

“I don’t know if I can put my life back to that farm with someone that I don’t know if I can trust anymore” Dina slips her arms away from Ellie, taking a small step back and seeing the utter heartbreak on Ellie’s face and it breaks her just that little bit more “Don’t look at me like that, Ellie” 

“You really don’t trust me?” 

“I feel like I’d be fucking scared to go back cause like I said I don’t know if I can trust you when you say it won’t happen again! We’ve had this conversation _so_ many times over the past year-”

“Then let’s stay here, in Jackson, for however long you want and let me prove it to you-we can fucking move back here if that’s what you want. I will do anything...because I mean it, I love you” 

Dina stayed silent for a few moments more, actually considering what Ellie was saying. But it was a lot, right now. Dina pressed her palm against her forehead “I need to time to think, Ellie” 

“Okay” 

“Give me some space to think it over” 

“Okay” Ellie repeats with another nod, she takes a small step back and purses her lips for a moment, debating on saying anything more. She locks her eyes back to Dina, who was now looking away from her “But you have to know that I regret leaving. I fucking hate myself for it and I will do whatever I can to show you…” 

Dina doesn’t respond, but Ellie just nods again and gently shrugs when adding in another whisper “That’s all”

Again she got nothing verbally back from Dina, just a nod with the arms folding back up. Ellie swallows thickly and takes what she had left of her pride, she walks back up the stairs of the deck and looks back to Dina over her shoulder. Seeing that Dina was still looking away, but she was crying, her curled fingers pressed against her lips as her eyes closed and her forehead creased as tears ran down her cheeks. It took everything inside Ellie not to run down to her and pull her into her arms, but she had to respect what Dina asked for. 

And so she left, she walked back through the house and now seeing _both_ of Jesse’s parents sitting in the living room but they said nothing, they just looked at her. All Ellie could do was nod and carry on walking through the house until finally she reached the door. Ellie got out of the house and as soon as she shut the door, she pressed her back against her, pushing her hands on her knees as she briefly bowed the upper half of her body and released a heavy tearful breath. Ellie lifts herself back up and rests against the door some more, she runs her fingers through the side of her hair before gripping onto the back of her neck, her watery eyes looking up to the orange sky. 

Her eyes closed in a long blink for a few seconds, she took in a breath through her nose and exhaled deeply through her mouth when pushing herself up and making her way down the porch of the house. As she walked down the streets, the greeting calls to her from people were like empty echoes in the back of her mind, they hardly seemed real, in her mind it was as if she was walking through a ghost town. Nothing felt real without Dina. She didn’t _want_ anything to be real without Dina. 

***

Suddenly, she was pulled out of her thoughts when Maria came right in front of her and slapped her hand onto Ellie’s shoulder, it was now Maria who looked like she had seen a ghost “Holy shit, _Ellie!_ ” she pulled Ellie close into a tight embrace before there could be any kind of hesitation about it. 

“Jesus Christ” Maria whispered a cry as if to herself as she cradled Ellie’s head whilst still keeping her close “When Dina came back without you I feared the absolute worst, I almost killed Tommy”

“It was my choice to go” Ellie mumbled with her cheek pressed against Maria’s chest, feeling the blonde sigh heavily when she added on with bitterness in her tone “Yeah, well you wouldn’t have known anything about you if Tommy had just left it to lie” 

Ellie pulled herself back “I’m glad he told me” 

Maria took Ellie’s hand and felt the absence of her two fingers, her head snapped to them “Oh my god”

“It’s fine, Maria”

“It’s not fine-”

“Could have been worse. I could be dead” 

Maria exhaled sharply, with the shrug of her shoulders to go along with her nod “Well there’s that”

“Happy birthday by the way” Ellie breathed, which gained a scuff of a laugh for Maria “Thanks. Though not quite much to celebrate”

Ellie just bobs her head before Maria tugs on her elbow and tells her to follow her through into the diner. Ellie didn’t exactly feel like talking, but she knew that she wouldn’t get out of it. So she follows Maria into the bar and they find seats at the bar through the large sea of people. 

Seth looks at her when she sits at the bar, wow, it really seemed that everyone thought she had died. But he made no comment, he merely cleared his throat and gave her a nod “Ellie” 

Ellie just nods back but says nothing, Maria requests two cases of bourbon from him and turns her head back to Ellie once he moves himself “So. I take it you’re back for Dina”

“I take it _you_ helped her move” 

Maria swayed her head before nodding “Yeah, when she showed up with the baby...she told us everything. She debating on waiting for you, but she was so cut up she just wanted to see friendly faces I guess...then when time went on and nothing was heard from you, we all thought the worst” 

Ellie scrunched her nose in a sniff and looked away “Makes sense”

“She went back nearly everyday” 

Her head snapped back to Maria, who nods to her “Every morning she’d leave JJ with Jesse’s parents and travel up on her horse, she’d wait a few hours and then make her way back...but as it went on she didn’t think you were coming back so it got to a point where Tommy and I went up with her in the car and when we headed back we had parts of the house with us, then back and forth” 

“You _and_ Tommy helped?” 

“Yeah” Maria shrugs a shoulder “Me and Tommy are fine, Ellie. We’re taking a break from our marriage but we’re still in each others lives” 

“Of course”

A small silence built before Maria sighed sharply “I don’t wanna hound on you, Ellie. But I really don’t understand you” she takes her eyes back to the young woman “You and her were doing good”

“I know” Ellie sighs.

“Not just that but you were a mother to that baby boy just as much as Dina. You know that’s one of the things she cried to me about whilst you’ve been gone? That she feels like JJ lost his dad and a mother in such a short amount of time”

Ellie screwed her eyes shut, she didn’t want to think of Dina breaking down. Of course she knew it happened, but she didn’t want to picture it, she shook her head as if trying to shake the picture out of her head “I fucked up”

“Yeah, you did” 

“I get, Maria” Ellie snaps, looking back to the blonde “I don’t need this, okay? I just got the third degree from Jesse’s mom, Dina can barely look at me-I don’t need this from _you_ right now, okay? I fucked up, I never should have left. I know and I own up to it” 

“Did you kill her?” 

Ellie stares at her until she pressed her thumb and finger harshly against her forehead when closing her eyes as she roughly rubbed her skin “No. I don’t want to get into it. She’s gone for good, but I didn’t kill her” 

“You feel like you can live with that?”

“If I didn’t I wouldn’t have let her live” Ellie puts boldly, dropping her arm back down on the bar. Maria stares at her for a few moments more before she shrugs once again “Fine. You don’t want to go into details about it then that’s good with me...do me a favour though, tell Tommy she’s dead”

“What?” Ellie scoffs.

“You think we’ll ever see her again?”

“No, never”

“Then tell him she’s dead...please Ellie, he’s a dumbass but he’s still my husband and I want to make our marriage make it, if he thinks she’s dead then he can drop it for good. You clearly got your closure for Joel with whatever you did, he will only get it if he thinks Abby’s dead, so…”

“Fine. I’ll tell him. Where is he?” 

“Catching up on some sleep, he’ll be at the party tomorrow...you’re coming right? Now that you’re here”

“I don’t know if Dina wants me there”

“Hey listen, it’s my birthday and I want you there. You look like you could use with a night with _people_ after all the shit you’ve gone through” 

Ellie sighed and rolled her eyes for a moment, she pulled the glass of bourbon close to her and looked down to it, on one hand she wanted to respect Dina’s wishes, on the other a part of her felt like Dina would be expecting Ellie to go to this, considering Maria is practically an Aunt to her. And so she could sip of her drink followed by the agreement that she would be there. Being back in Jackson was the first step, she just wondered how many more she was going to have to take to earn back Dina's trust, she wondered how many more steps she would take till they got back on track.. _if_ they could get back on track. Ellie knew one thing though and that would she would give everything she had to get her family back. 


	2. Chapter 2

Ellie woke up the next morning and noticed that she had slept in, she really thought that she wouldn’t be able to sleep. But something told her that with the knowing that Dina  _ and  _ JJ were safe and sound in a house just down the street, despite the situation they were in with each other, knowing that allowed her to sleep. It was the first time she had fully slept in god knows how long, her body was completely exhausted and needed it’s rest.

Now that she felt like she had her closure from Joel too, it seemed to help. What also helped was what she had beside her. On the bedside table she had put up two out of three polaroids that she had carried with her all the way to Santa Barbara and all the way back. One she had up was of JJ when he was stuffing his face with food and had it  _ all  _ around his mouth, he was looking into the camera with his hand still in his mouth from his mid feast. 

And the other was of Dina sat on the couch and looking out the front window, with her knees up to her chest and resting her chin down against her first, the light of the moon shone perfectly down on her profile, Ellie especially loved that one because she remembered how she grabbed Dina’s leg and pulled her for her back to be against the couch cushions for Ellie to lie on top of her and kiss her.

It was those two she had sitting up so in that way, at least, it felt like Ellie had them with her. The third one she had was of all three of them and remained in her bag for safe keeping. Ellie stayed in bed for a moment more and just gave herself a moment to simply gaze at the photos. She had to get them back, she had to get her family back, otherwise was  _ really the _ point? After her pondering, she decided to actually get herself out of bed, and made her way to the shower, taking off the oversized hoodie she found in her closet that she had left behind before they moved to the farm. 

After having a shower, scrubbing her body and washing her hair with the soap that Maria dropped off in the evening, she got back into her clothes with the added item of Joel’s jacket and then, Ellie headed out to get some fresh hair. Dina might still want some kind of space but that doesn’t mean that Ellie should shut herself off. She was done shutting herself off, and she hoped with that, that Joel would be proud of her wherever she was. She hoped that he could see that she was  _ trying  _ and was proud of her for that. But god what she wouldn’t give to hear him say it. 

She headed off to the diner where she was hoping Maria could swing her some breakfast. Ellie walked over to the bar and thank God it was her at the bar and not Seth because she quite frankly wanted to see people like him as little as possible. As Ellie sat at the bar and began eating the plate that Maria had whipped up for her, she saw Tommy approach her in the corner of her eye, with some deep caution. 

Ellie turned and looked at him; seeing the sheepish look on his face before he tightened a smile “Hi, Ellie...Maria told me you were back...I would’ve come seen you last night but figured you’d want some time to…” he sighs again “I’m glad to see you”

Ellie nods as she turns to her plate, Tommy approaches and talks further. “When I heard you’d have gone I damn near hated myself, I realised that Joel would have beat the shit out of me for pressuring you into something like that”

“No one can pressure me into anything, Joel knew that much” Ellie muttered as she cut up her sausage. 

“Well still-”

“Tommy” she looks at him “It’s over, she’s gone...and she’s  _ never  _ coming back” 

Tommy stared at her for a moment. “You mean-”

“I mean it’s done” Ellie nodded assertively “I ended it. We gotta let him rest now. I’m here to get my girl and my kid and that’s it. What  _ you  _ need to do from here on out is work it out with Maria”

Tommy gripps onto the back of his neck and nods heavily “Yeah. You’re right…Still, I’m sorry for what I caused between you and Dina”

“I made the choice when it came down to it, so it’s up to me to fix it” Ellie straightened her posture in the stool for a moment, eating up the last part of food before she stepped off the seat and called to the back “Thanks, Maria” 

She patted her hand down on the bar when looking back to Tommy and took in a breath before she gave him a nod “Tommy. I’ll see you tonight”

Tommy nods back to her, still with a grave and guilt ridden look on his face, but Ellie didn’t have time to reassure him. She was too busy dealing with her own guilt to carry anyone elses on her shoulder, still, she meant what she said, it wasn't solely Tommy’s fault, sure he played a part but when it comes down to it, it was Ellie who packed that bag and it was Ellie who  _ chose  _ to go. No one had a gun to her head. 

Ellie walked out of the diner but for the first time in her entire time of living in Jackson, she had no idea where she was going to go. Before Joel’s death she would hang out with him or with Dina and Jesse. Then when they came back here it was just Dina...now she had no one. Fall was coming in and it was getting colder, she liked the fall, she liked the crisp feeling of it. And so she dug her hands in her pockets and just began to walk,  _ stroll _ . She never had strolled before in Jackson.

Her mind allowed itself to wander as  _ she  _ wandered around the compound...but soon she snapped out of it all when she saw Dina sitting at the top of one of the decks in the play area, she didn’t even know that she had walked this far. Suddenly she felt stuck, what does she do in this situation?

Before she even had the chance to think about turning around, Dina’s eyes clapped onto hers and suddenly her entire body refused to turn away. Ellie cleared her throat and made her way over, rather sheepishly, feeling the same way she did when she approached Dina in the very same place the night after their first kiss. Ellie kept her hands tucked in her jacket pockets as she just felt them shake again “Hey” her voice was breathless and sharp. 

Dina looked down to her with a sombre look still across her face, pulling her lips tighter in an awkward manner “Hi”

Ellie edged her arm to the playset “Mind if I join you up there?”

Dina pressed the back of her head against the wall and looked up for a moment, Ellie looked away for a moment and sighed “I’ll go if you want me to”

Dina’s lips pressed and rubbed together for a few seconds more before she then rolled her eyes and just nodded at Ellie for some kind of approval. Ellie took it and climbed herself up. She got to the top and then sat herself down by her, the silence built between them for a quick moment, Ellie rested her arms on her knees “JJ back with Robin and Susan?”

“I need some air” Dina shakes her head “Didn’t get that much sleep” she then glances over to Ellie “You look less like hell” 

“Thanks” Ellie scoffed with a gentle laugh. 

“Seriously Ellie, I felt like I barely even recognised you yesterday” 

“Well” Ellie looked to her hands as they softly rubbed together and cleared her throat “That’s how I felt whenever I looked in the mirror for the past year”

“Was it really so awful?” Dina cried. 

Ellie looks at her, shaking her head as her voice remains soft “It wasn’t awful, Dina. That’s not it...I loved every second with you and JJ...so much that I  _ tried  _ to keep everything else at the back of my mind...and I don’t put the blame on him but after Tommy came that day I just-” she tightened her lips together, as if annoyance to herself when then looking down and adding in a simple mutter “Couldn’t” 

“Well I blame him” Dina muttered sharply “I know he didn’t exactly push you out the door but I blame him”

“Have you spoken to him?”

“Not much” 

Ellie nods heavily and looks down to her hands, her fingers fiddled together once again like they always did when she was filled with nerves “I’m coming to Maria’s thing tonight-”

“I know she told me. She came by the house last night to check on things”

“Oh” Ellie straightened her back and cleared her throat “Is that okay?”

Dina’s eyes caught back onto her, she sighed lightly when they pulled away once again “Of course it’s okay”

Ellie rested her elbow on the knee and put her hand to the back of her neck, rubbing her lips together before a small and faint smile rested on her lips of a fond memory that came to her mind “Remember how terrible we used to be at hide and seek? When we used to play it with Jesse and we’d always just come here”

Dina tried not to, but a small laugh busted out from the back of her throat and caused a smile to spread with Ellie then adding furthermore “Probably something we should’ve out grown by eighteen”

“Traditions are traditions I guess...it just became a joke between us in the end” 

“I just kept with it because it meant I got to hide away with you...even if it was just for a couple minutes” Ellie kept her gaze on Dina, soon becoming captivated in her beauty once again “I was so close to kissing you so many times”

“There were many times you should’ve” Dina bit her lip, still keeping her eyes off of her and shook her head when she added when her eyes closed and her voice turned into a tearful whisper “I’ve loved you since I was seventeen” 

Ellie’s lips tightened as her eyes filled more and more, nodding her head as she rested her head further against her forearm whilst she kept hold of the back of her neck “Me too” 

“I’d give anything to be seventeen again...and not be where we are right now” her eyes began to fill “I have JJ and I love my son but Ellie-” she looks to her, with tears begin to roll down her cheeks “If I could go back do some things differently I would”

“I would too, if I could stop myself from what I did-” 

“I know” Dina pressed her lips together, dropping her hands in her lap when she breathed “But the point is, is that you did it” 

“I thought of literally nothing but you. You and JJ. That’s all I thought about the entire time I was there”

Dina nods but then shrugs as the only thing she could find herself saying was reflecting a question “Then why didn’t you turn around?” 

Words suddenly got jammed in the back of Ellie’s throat, she wanted to give an answer but she didn’t have one, and she couldn’t make up some kind of excuse because then that would be lying and ever since she told Dina that she was immune she swore that she would never lie or keep something from Dina again. Instead all she could do was weakly shug “I don’t know”

Dina ran her fingers through her hair when blowing out a breath, it was clear she was incredibly frustrated and Ellie didn’t blame her for a single second, because she was feeling it too, she hated not being able to have an answer. What she did, she simply just  _ did _ . Her head was screwed on in one direction when it should have focused on the one right in front of her. 

Ellie tilted her head at her “Babe-”

“Don’t” Dina scoffed, shaking her head once again and looking back at Ellie “Please Ellie just don’t” with those words she gets up on her feet, whilst Ellie just remains sat and eventually looks up to her. Dina walks to the front of the play area and rests her arms down against it as she looks forward. “I still want everything with you” 

With her back to Ellie, she didn’t see the stunned and hopeful look on Ellie’s face. But Dina knew it was happening, she bowed her head and shook her head “ _ I still want everything with you _ ...but I have to figure out how to work past this. If I can”

“I understand” 

Dina bobbed her head before she stood back up straight and patted her hand against the wooden bar before she turned and looked back to Ellie “I better go...get back to JJ” 

“Yeah” Ellie cleared her throat “Can you-” she pinched her nose for a moment and rested the back of her head against the wall and shrugged “Can you give him a hug from me?” 

Dina tightens a smile to her and gives a stiff nod as she starts to climb down “Sure” but then stops herself once again “Ellie you do know that...whatever happens with us” her eyes lock back onto her “I will never keep you from him, you’re in his life forever”

Ellie tries her very best  _ not to tear _ up as she tightens a smile and nods “Yeah. I know...and like I said to you yesterday I’m not going anywhere this time and that’s for good”

Once again, Dina gives no verbal response and just stiffly nods, which Ellie then exchanges before she adds on. “And I’ll see you...tonight?”

Dina looked at her before she put herself on the ground “Yeah, I’ll see you” the way she said it was barely even fondly, it was just quiet and muttered before she hopped back down onto the ground; Ellie got up on her own feet as she watched Dina walk away, she didn’t even look back. 

“Fuck” Ellie breathed under her breath.  _ Fuck _ , she had really messed this up. If there was one thing Dina would always do, it was look back. 

***

  
  


The last time she was at one of these dances, Dina had kissed her for the first time. Neither of them had been to one since. Ellie stepped in, wearing what she usually wore and all she really had right now, jeans and a flannel. Her eyes were immediately on the search for Dina, and eventually they settled onto her. And her breath got caught in the back of Ellie’s throat. 

Dina was standing by the bar, speaking to someone Ellie doesn’t know very well, she was wearing black jeans and had a short sleeved baby blue shirt tucked into it, swept up as usual, she looked beautiful. Well, to Ellie she always looked beautiful. Dina hadn’t looked over or saw her, maybe she was purposely not looking to the door like Ellie had hoped. 

She released a small breath but as tempted as she was, she didn’t go over right away, instead she walked over to Maria who’s night this was after all. Ellie found her standing with her friend Sarah, she caught onto the blonde’s arm “Hey” 

“Hi” Maria smiled, putting her arms around her for a brief yet fond hug. Ellie squeezed onto her for that second before she reeled back, with Maria then adding “Glad you showed”

“Yeah. I figured that I should get out of that place” 

Maria tucked her hands into her jean back pockets “About  _ that _ . We can talk about it more tomorrow but...I know the arrangement you had with Joel in converting that place into an apartment but...it’s not Joel’s place anymore” 

Ellie felt like this might be brought up, she sighs and nods “Right. So I’m getting kicked out?”

“No. You know Lisa and Jimmy, they wouldn’t do that and they haven’t said that...all I’m saying is that Sheldon Cross passed away the other month of a heart attack, his entire place has been cleared out and it’s up for grabs” 

Ellie remained quiet as she folded her arms and listened further to Maria who continued “It’s bigger than the place you’re in now and  _ smaller _ than the farm. It’s a good size, two stories” 

“Lot of space for one fucking person” Ellie muttered to herself as she glanced over to Dina for a moment, then taking her eyes back to Maria as she heard “Well keep that attitude and it will be. You guys can work this out” 

Ellie lets out a small exhale through her nose and nods “Yeah well, like you said we can talk about it tomorrow”

“Definitely, at least now you can sleep on it”

“Yeah” Ellie breathes, folding her arms up once again and looking over to Dina once more, she feels Maria lightly punch her arm “Go get a drink, mellow up. Maybe you guys can talk tonight” 

“We talked before. Still felt like a fucking brick wall”

“Ellie you’ve been back for just over a day. Whilst you were out in Santa Barbara you had your head fixated on getting Abby... _ all _ Dina thought about was you for the past month and how badly she grieved you. It’s going to take more than a day...but the fact she’s actually talking to you is a good start”

“I guess” 

“ _ Try  _ and enjoy yourself. After everything that’s gone on you deserve it” 

“Not sure about that”

“Well I am” Maria gives Ellie onto small shove “You gotta let yourself live now, Ellie”

“Yeah” Ellie breathed “Trying” she turned and reluctantly made her way to the bar, but when she did turn, Dina wasn’t there anymore. Ellie couldn’t help herself when her eyes began to search for her, finally they caught her just as she headed into the bathrooms.  _ Oh _ . So she wasn’t bailing...that was something at least. She ordered her beer and stuck herself into a corner. She didn’t know when Dina returned to the room, it was almost like she snuck back in. 

Ellie stayed where she was by the corner most of the night, it was no different from the other times she came to one of these events, she went through another beer and was on her third, people were still coming past her and expressing how they were glad to see her actually alive. But Ellie didn’t care that people were glad to see her, she didn’t care about  _ people,  _ she just cared about Dina and getting her back. 

An hour or so passes by from when she got her first drink and Ellie was yet to approach Dina, she didn’t want to make it look like she was pushing. But  _ god  _ she wanted to go over to her, she was so used to spending her time with Dina at these kinds of things especially like they used to. And the way they had been catching each other's eyes throughout the entire time made it much harder. it was like they were floating around each other during this entire dance, Ellie felt herself just watching her and became worried that she looked like some kind of stalker. And then as if some kind of sick try of fate, the acoustic version of  _ Take on Me  _ by A-Ha came on. The song caused Ellie to scoff and shake her head to herself “Fuck it” 

She takes her final sip of beer and puts it down at the bar, barely even giving herself space to think she makes her way across, right over to Dina who was talking to one of her friends, Ellie stood before them and took a sharp breath before speaking up “Dance with me” 

Dina glances to her friend who politely excuses herself, Dina looks back to Ellie and let’s out an exhausted breath “Ellie-”

“Come on, Dina...I wouldn’t ask but” Ellie gently holds out her hand “They’re playing our song” 

Only then did Dina’s ears register to the song that was playing and well, it was pretty impossible now to say no, and the large part of her that had been missing and grieving Ellie took over her angry side and put her hand in Ellie’s because after everything that had happened, Ellie was alive...and she’d be lying if she said that she didn’t want to be held by her. “One dance?”

Dina takes a small breath and looks to Ellie, putting her hand into hers “One dance”

Ellie pulled Dina close onto the dance floor, there was this new awkwardness between them. It wasn’t the kind of awkwardness when they had their very first dance all those years, but more like they didn’t know  _ what  _ they were anymore. As far as Dina had been concerned, the love of her life walked away and had been dead for a month. But to Ellie, Dina was still Dina. Still  _ her  _ Dina. 

Dina’s arms rested down on Ellie’s shoulders, usually she would loosely lock them around her neck but this time she did. Still, Ellie’s hands remained securely on Dina’s waist as they slowly danced. Dina started at her for a moment and shook her head “I don’t even know what to say to you at this point”

“I know”

“I don’t know if I know who you are anymore” 

“I’m me” Ellie assures “I haven’t been me in a really long time and I know that. I know what I did to you was not me-and that’s not an excuse…” she shrugs “But I’m me” 

“I’m still so mad, Ellie...and I’m trying not to be” Dina starts, she bites her lip for a moment before she then admits in a soft voice “But when I saw you in that backyard, standing there I honest to god thought I was dreaming. Because I’ve been  _ so _ mad at you but I’ve always prayed for you every single night...you broke my fucking heart but seeing you again...felt like it finally started beating again”

Ellie pulled Dina a little bit closer “I wanna spent every fucking day to prove to you that I will never break your heart again, Dina. I meant what I said, if you want to stay here then we’ll stay here. I’ll do whatever” her eyes unexpectedly begin to fill.

Dina bowed her head for a moment, Ellie’s heart started to race even more when she felt her arms tightened around her neck, the feel of Dina’s fingertips meeting the back of her neck made all the hairs on her arms stuck up and shivers to shoot down her spine. Their foreheads brushed together. Dina’s brows softly pinched together “I want you trust you, Ellie” 

“You can” 

Dina exhaled sharply through her nose and cried “You fucked up our family”

“I know”

“We’d still be on that farm right now if you hadn’t-” she stops herself, but she doesn’t pull away, in fact she did the opposite and she closes into an embrace as her head rested down on Ellie’s shoulder, holding her right “But I also missed you so fucking much” 

Ellie tightened her arms around Dina’s waist, her forehead pressed into the crook of her neck “I missed you too”

“I still miss you” she grips onto Ellie’s shoulder “I’m just so fucking confused. I’m feeling  _ everything _ ” 

At first, Ellie says nothing, she just keeps herself pressed into Dina’s neck until finally she exhales “I wish I could take it back”

They fell quiet though still holding each other close in their dance, they remained in the same position in not looking at one another. Dina’s eyes remained closed as she allowed herself to just  _ feel  _ Ellie, trying to remember all the good times they had together and knowing for a fact that for the past year there had been so much more good than there was bad. 

Ellie finally heard Dina speak “You remember the last time we danced here? And I said people should be terrified of you” 

All Ellie did was hum, Dina pulled back and gazed deeply into Ellie’s eyes with genuine sadness when she whispered “I think I now am. Of how easily you could hurt me”

Ellie shook her head and tried to sound as assuring as humanly possible “If there’s one person in this entire fucking world who does not need to be terrified of me, it’s you” 

Dina nods but Ellie wasn’t sure if Dina was nodding out of belief or just from taking Ellie’s words in, before anything else was able to to said, the song ended and suddenly Ellie felt like her time was up, she sighs and begins to loosen her arms from around Dina “Songs over...so..."  
  
  


Dina stands there still but not exactly looking at Ellie, she just shakes her head a few moments before she locks eyes back with her and suddenly whispers “God, you infuriate me” she puts her hands on Ellie’s wrists and pulls them back from her waist, still shaking her head as she turns and practically marches out the room. 

But this time, Ellie followed her out. She couldn’t help herself, she couldn’t keep letting her go, she had to fight for this more than anything, like she should have been doing all along. Ellie burst out of the door and saw Dina walking down the steps of the porch “Dina. Wait” 

“It’s getting late” 

“Come on we can’t keep doing this” Ellie gets down the steps and stops in front of her “It’s only been a day and i know that but we can’t keep doing this. Having these conversations with no lead”

“Because I don’t know where I want it to lead to” 

“Do you still love me?” 

“That isn’t the problem” Dina cried breathlessly, then scoffing to herself “Or maybe it is. Maybe the fact that I do is making it even more confusing” 

Ellie let out a sharp breath before then speaking in a soft breath “Before I came to Jackson, when I was on the road with Joel...I told this kid I met that the one fear I had in life was to end up alone” she pressed her lips together and shook her head once her tone became more shaken “Well I have  _ never  _ been more afraid of that statement than I am right now. It terrifies me more than ever because to end up alone now means that I will lose you…”

Before Ellie could speak anymore, Dina pressed her finger against Ellie’s chest for a moment with tears now streaming down her cheeks “I grieved for you. I waited for a month even when I came back here and gave up all hope. I ended up alone, Ellie.  _ You _ put all that on me-”

“I know”

“Believe me, Ellie. I wanted her dead too but I never would have  _ abandoned  _ you and  _ our  _ son for it” 

“I get why you’re angry”

“Damn right you do” Dina seethed “I don’t want to feel like this, I didn’t want the past month to even happen, right now we’d be in bed together. You’d be holding me do you have  _ any  _ idea how badly I have wanted you to just-” her anger and frustration stipped down as her sobs just came out, her head weakened and bowed when her hand returned back to Ellie’s chest when her voice came out as more of a whimper “Have you...”

Ellie tried her best to keep her composure until Dina finally looked up to her once again and cried in another breathless whisper “But I fucking love you so much” 

And with that, Ellie took gentle hold of Dina’s wrist as her hand was still on her chest and lowered it down as her other hand went to the back of her neck and pulled her in for a deep kiss, leading Dina’s back to press against the porch as she stepped backwards when sinking into the kiss. Dina’s hands slid up to Ellie’s cheeks as she took in a deep breath through her nose when the kiss grew deeper but remained slow and tender. Dina cried softly against Ellie’s mouth but pulled her face even closer as she brushed her tongue over Ellie’s. She had craved her and wanted her for so long, kissing her again after all this time was like some revolution. The last time she kissed Ellie was just before she went to bed the night Ellie left, if she knew that would’ve been the last time till now she would have made it last longer, which was why her body made her take her time right now. 

  
  
  


_ “Dina. Is she your girlfriend?” _

_ ‘“No...no she-that was just one kiss it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t know why she did that” _

_ “But you do like her?” _

  
  


Dina slowly pulled her lips away, with her eyes still closed and her lips still grazing against Ellie’s, still gently touching when Ellie whispered “Come back to me, baby” her hand remained cradling the back of Dina’s neck, her lips gently pressed onto Dina’s wet cheeks before she pulled back and looked to her “You’re my fucking life...I need you. I love you-I _can’t_ want to live without you” 

She edged her bets and leaned herself back forward, for another soft kiss that Dina accepted for a few moments more before she gently hums and pulls back, she takes her watery eyes and looks into Ellie’s, her thumbs gently stroking her cheeks “I want you more than anything...but I still don’t know  _ what  _ to do...Ellie, you need to let me go home now, please”

Ellie bowed her head for a moment as she released a sigh before then letting out a grave nod and eventually pulled her hands away from Dina and took a step back, nodding again as she looked up to Dina “Okay…”

“Okay” Dina walked out from Ellie’s hold and started to walk past, before she did, Ellie caught onto her hand again but didn’t look at her. She just kept her tearful eyes forward and whispered one more piece of information “I don’t ever want to say goodbye to you” 

_ “I don’t want to lose you” _

_ “Good” _

  
  
  


Dina squeezed onto Ellie’s hand as she bobbed her head, her voice coming out in a whimper “I know. But I never wanted to say goodbye in the first place” and with another squeeze of Ellie’s hand, she let out and started to walk away...and this time, Ellie didn’t follow. She knew when enough was enough and it was  _ enough  _ tonight. 

And so, Ellie made her way back to her place and didn’t look back, she knew that if she turned around she wasn’t going to see Dina coming after her, she wasn’t that naive. She shut the door and stared at the dusty, worn out room. She slipped off the flannel and tossed into the chair as she passed and went into the bathroom, turning on the tap and refreshing her face with a splash of water before keeping it running and pressed her hands against the sink bowl, she started down at the floor and just let the round of the water drown out her surroundings. 

After staying there and allowing her mind to take over every part of her with the flashing images of nearly every kiss she and Dina had ever shared, Ellie tried to stop torturing herself for at least a few seconds as she stood up straight and took off her black tee, also tossing it on the chair and grabbed the oversized hoodie and took off her jeans to just her boxers and pulled the hoodie over.

Getting down on the bed, she pulled the matted bed sheet over her and turned herself to face the photos that she still had propped up against the light stand. This was the closest she got to having them by her side...and it was strange, but it did in fact make her fall to sleep better. 

Tonight had been a whirlwind, all she hoped for was that after what happened tonight, it would at least put them on some kind of path to a future...one that includes them being  _ together _ . 

***

Ellie woke up the next morning with a fairly heavy head, it had nothing to do with a drink, it wasn’t  _ that  _ kind of heavy head. It had everything to do with what happened between her and Dina, the emotions of it all that she had to endure was enough to cause any kind of hangover. 

It was a knock at the door that really woke Ellie up, she had no idea what time it was but all she knew was that it was early. Ellie pinched the bridge of her nose, cursing under her breath as she crawled out of bed, she peeled back the curtain and she saw Maria stood outside, she knew what this would be about. But she wasn’t that much in the mood to talk, she already knew her answer. Ellie unlocked the door and wasted no time when she pulled back “I’ll take it” 

Maria barely even had the chance to lower her knuckle from knocking “Okay?”

“The house. That’s why you’re here right?”

“Well sure I was gonna mention it but I was checking in on you. Saw you and Dina practically storming out of the place” 

Ellie sighed impatiently, now  _ this  _ she really didn’t want to discuss. She scratched the back of her neck and avoided eye contact for a moment before she folded her arms “Yeah it’s fine”

“You worked things out?”

“Not exactly but I’m trying” she pressed and rubbed her lips together, letting a small shrug “But I’ll take the house” 

“Okay. I’ll get things sorted” Maria nods “Just start packing up and we’ll get things moving”

“Great” Ellie grumbled beneath her breath. 

“Whilst you live here...you know you gotta pull weight”

“Of course”

“So I can put you back on patrols?” 

“Sure” 

“Don’t worry I’ll hold off before I put you and Dina on them together” Maria dryly teased which gained an amused scoff and the roll of her eyes from Ellie. 

Maria didn’t stay that much longer, in fact barely even at all. Ellie shut the door about a minute afterwards and she decided to waste no real time, if getting out of this place was the first step to prove that she was moving forward then she wanted to get it underway as fast as humanly possible. 

It was a little while after Maria left that Tommy showed up nearing noon with a bunch of boxes that he said Ellie can use to help move things, then later on in the day he’d come and give her a hand with getting to the actual house. The house had apparently been cleared out of all the old crap for a while now, it was fully unfurnished and ready for anyone to come in. 

Ellie started packing things up as soon as possible, not that there was really much  _ to  _ pack up. She wondered where all her stuff from the farm was, if Dina had them stored away someplace? Because all she had to pack right now was stuff from her bag and the things she left behind here, which was next to nothing. She barely even filled  _ one  _ box of her own stuff and the rest she just filled with her pillows and bedsheet. Still, Tommy offered the couple in the house that he would help the husband dismantle stuff so they could make it into a proper garage for them.

As she carried the two boxes out to the front, she heard footsteps and when looking up she saw Dina approach over to her with JJ wrapped up in the sling. Ellie heavily dumped the box on top of the other and stood up straight “Hi”

“Hey” Dina breathed, gently bouncing JJ in her arms, JJ who smiled at Ellie as soon as he saw her “I figured I’d bring him over, I know he misses you” 

When finally seeing Ellie, JJ squeals with excitement, he stretches out of the sling to Ellie which Dina then helps with as she takes hold of him. Ellie sighs with utter warmth and takes the infant in her arms, she holds him tight, spinning him around as she turned into the room and kisses his temple “Hey buddy”

Dina takes a moment and looks at the boxes, and for an unexplainable reason, a rush of panic comes through her body “Where’re you going?” which was her way of saying.  _ Please don’t leave.  _ Ellie glanced at the boxes as she gently cradled JJ and shook her head “I’m not...I’m not going anywhere  _ really _ . Maria said I can move into Cross’s place since he died” 

“Oh”

“Course gotta start up patrol and stuff again” 

Dina nods and glances into the place that Ellie used to call home, there were a lot of memories in there. Before moving to the farm, for a short period of time during the pregnancy, they stayed here. Ellie was always so attentive and basically waited on her hand and foot. If Dina needed anything, Ellie ran out and got it. Once she even broke into the diner because Dina got midnight cravings for the cheesy steak sandwiches...she left a note and money on the bar so it was fine. 

“So you’re really staying?” 

Ellie looked at her once again from taking her eyes away from JJ “Well, yeah...it’s home right now. Since-”

“I’m here?”

“You and JJ. Like I said it’s home” Ellie says softly, she looks back at JJ and makes all kinds of faces at him which makes him laugh and fill up with bubbliness that brought a smile back to Dina’s face. He really had missed her and Ellie always had this way of making him laugh without fail. As she grew closer to Ellie at the bed, she looked at the lamp and noticed the pictures that were put up against it. Shit, Ellie really did love them. “Wherever you guys are is where I want to be”

Dina just looked and watched as Ellie still gushed over JJ which was recieved right back from the child as he put his tiny palms onto her cheeks in gentle pats before he leaned forward and tugged on her earlobe, causing a small grumbled giggle to slip from Ellie; with a warm smile still inflicted on her face, she turned her head to Dina, who eventually spoke “Last night…”

“Shouldn’t have happened?” Ellie asked with fear in the back of her voice, Dina pushed her hands in her back jeans pockets and took her eyes away after giving another quick glance to Ellie and let out a small breath “No, not that. It just all happened kind of fast...and then I kind of...haven’t thought about anything else since”

Ellie sucked in a breath, still gently bobbing JJ on her legs “In a good way? Or that can never happen again and we’re done kind of way” 

“That’s the thing Ellie I can decide if what’s happening right now is us being done. Did we break up when you left?” 

“I knew I was risking that...but when I left I didn’t consider us as being that. But I never wanted to ever consider that.  _ But  _ I understand what I put you through” 

Dina bowed her head and gripped onto the back of her neck, she glances to JJ and adds when soon sitting back up “I worry for him” her eyes lock back to Ellie’s “Your his parent just as much as me...but it worries me that he’s going to lose another parent like he lost Jesse, having that conversation when he’s older is going to be hard enough. I don’t want to have to sit him down and explain where daddy  _ and  _ mommy have gone” 

“I understand”

Dina kept her eyes forward, shaking her head once again “And I  _ know  _ you’ve promised me that it will be different this time and we can have another shot... _ and  _ I could go round in circles with every possible bad outcome until I go insane but it will just drive us apart even more and the truth is I don’t want that”

Ellie felt her heart pound just that little bit more “You don’t?” 

Still keeping her eyes away, Dina turns head just a little bit more in Ellie’s direction “I’m in love with you Ellie, and you know that” she pauses to herself for a second and finally takes her eyes back to her “I fell for you even when I was with Jesse and I haven’t stopped ever since...and I don’t want to stop” 

“I don’t want you to stop either” Ellie found herself whispering, taking a small step closer “I love our family, and I loved our lives together. I just want to be happy again with you, nothing will stop that again. You’re everything, babe” 

Dina bit her lip and looked at Ellie's hands that were still holding onto JJ, after a few seconds she took hold of one of them. Ellie’s arm stretches around JJ’s back to keep her support on him as she holds him close, her fingers immediately wrapping around Dina’s as they entwine. Dina bites her lip again “We need to rebuild, Ellie. I can’t move in with you yet, we can’t go back to the farm- _ if _ we ever will...right now we have to start clean, that’s my condition”

“And I’ll take it,” Ellie quickly replied, she couldn’t help the smile that came to her face as well as the tears “I promise”

Dina nodded with a genuine warm smile, leaning herself forward and whispered as her lips began to craze over Ellie’s “Good” she pressed her lips together and took in her breath when she returned her gaze to Ellie’s, her brows softly rising “Don’t let me down again” 

“I never will” Ellie whispered right back, slipping her hand out of Dina’s to reach up and hold her cheek, stroking her thumb against her cheek. “Dina...yesterday I said there were so many times where I was close to kissing you...I’ve been trying to make up for every missed opportunity since...this past month included” their eye contact remained locked to each other as Ellie took another step forward and kept her hand on Dina’s cheek when then asking softly “Can I start making up for lost time again right now?” 

A soft smile finally rested on Dina’s lips “I’m counting on it” 

A breathless relieved look ran across Ellie’s face as she leaned forward and enclosed on a soft kiss. Completely loving with so much less sadness and heartache than the last one. She knew that they had quite a bit to go, as Dina said, it wasn’t as if they were going to move back in with each other just yet...there was trust that needed to be rebuilt. The love wasn’t the issue, that was still strong, but it was all the other elements that helped make a relationship last that needed the work. 

Ellie thumb stroked once again against Dina’s cheek as they slowly pulled back, Ellie’s eyes locking immediately back to hers “So what now?” 

“Well, I kept all your stuff that I brought back here at my old place...it’s been empty like this place since we left. I’ll get Tommy to help take them to the house”

“Okay” Ellie nods, her hand leaves Dina’s cheeks as she takes a more secure hold of JJ who’s head just rested on her shoulder “And from here we just...take it slow”

“We take it slow” Dina nods, she tilts her head to Ellie’s worried look “Ellie. I want to be with you. And I have every single faith that we’re going to be together for life...right now we just need to work on  _ us  _ before diving back in”

“Steady dates?” Ellie teased with a gentle laugh, which Dina then reflected as she shrugged a shoulder “We did kind of skip over that part. Wouldn’t hurt, would it?” 

“No” Ellie shook her head. “It wouldn’t” she then turned her head to JJ and pressed a kiss against the top of his, screwing her eyes shut for a moment as she did so.

Dina just watched her as her hand gently rested on JJ’s head, stroking his short hair. This was her family and she knew it, she couldn’t make Ellie grovel anymore than she had for these near two days, it wasn’t doing either of them any good. The anger of Ellie leaving was going to be there for a little while longer, they both were pretty aware of that. But Dina also took into account that what Ellie left for wasn’t something sordid, it wasn’t like she left to go have fun and live her life...she can sympathise that Ellie left because she truly felt in that moment that she needed closure from what she did with Abby, she was just happy that Ellie had seen the light. 

Ellie rested her cheek on JJ’s head as her eyes went back over to Dina. Dina gently smiled and curled her finger around Ellie’s ear as she pushed her hair back “We forward go from here, Ellie...and we won’t look back” 

With watery eyes, Ellie nods and returns her hand to Dina’s, entwining their fingers back together and squeezing onto her tight. Finally she felt like she could  _ breathe _ , because even though it was a new kind of turn for the two of them, it was a turn non the less and Ellie had to count her blessings that she had been given this chance. Her thirst for revenge almost cost her everything she held important, and she swore to herself as well as Dina that nothing would ever get her to that point, ever again. 

Ellie wanted forgiveness and a second chance. Dina could give her that, and the most important thing was that she was more than  _ willing  _ to give her that and she wanted to. They both needed a fresh start, and it was one they were going to embark on together. As it always should be, and Ellie will make sure that it always will be. 

Finally she was at peace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to update this a few days ago but I kept going back to try and get it right so hopefully I have!! I wanted to give it the most realistic happy ending I could think which is why I've gone in the direction I did, I hope you guys liked the take I took for this part of their story. I still hope to see something like this with them in the future as I very much believe something like this is what happened with them but in the mean time, I very much hope this brings you guys some sense of closure and, well, happiness.
> 
> please leave your thoughts below!!

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the first one! Hopefully I've done it justice so far, I've been battling around how to handle this part of their story which we ALL know is canon that Ellie comes back to Jackson for Dina. Originally this was going to be a oneshot but then my mind ran away with me so it's a two parter lmao, hope you enjoyed this first one! Leave your thoughts below in the comments they always mean a lot and drop a kudos if you've enjoyed.


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